This was an amusing post on a (non-Orthodox) pastor’s blog about the usual complaints that clergy get from parishioners:
Some of the items are:
Thank you for calling the Church of St. John the Beheaded. Please listen to the following menu items:
To complain about the rector, please press one.
If you would like to return to the 1928 Prayer Book, press one.
If you wish the rector’s spouse would join the altar guild, press two.
If you are displeased with the behavior of the rector’s children during church, press three.
If you feel the rector’s sermons are too long, press four.
If you feel the rector’s sermons are too short, press five.
continue at the link above for the whole article
Wonder what we might add or change for an Orthodox priest’s answering machine?
To demand more Greek (English, Slavonic, Romanian, Arabic etc.) in the service PRESS ONE
To demand pews PRESS TWO
To get rid of pews again PRESS THREE
To complain about the amount of energy spent on the food festival PRESS FOUR
To complain about the lack of volunteers at the food festival PRESS FIVE
To complain about kids being in church PRESS SIX
To complain about kids being out of church in Sunday School PRESS SIX
To complain about people dressing too casually PRESS SEVEN
To complain about people dressing like fashion plates PRESS EIGHT
To complain about the choir doing too much new music PRESS NINE
To complain about the choir doing the same old stuff all the time PRESS TEN
Anyboday got some others?